Sunday, September 25, 2005

Do not meddle!

While writing a paper on Tolkien for a class, I came across several lists of "altered" quotes. The original quote is by Gildor, from The Fellowship of the Ring, written by J.R.R. Tolkien. Gildor told Frodo, "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." Because there were several lists of altered quotes and no single place seemed to have them all, I decided to post them here. I have no idea who actually came up with the parodies.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are insignificant and taste good with peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons: though you taste terrible, they're willing to bear it to be rid of the nuisance.
Do not meddle in the affairs of kitties, for they are subtle and will pee on you while you sleep.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
Do not meddle in the affairs of demons, for you are crunchy and taste good with hotsauce.
Do not meddle in the affairs of bards, for they are unsubtle, and your name scans to Greensleeves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of artists, for this is satire and you would look good in lingerie.
Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers (fanfiction writers), for you are cute and would look good with other men.
Do not meddle in the affairs of shield-maidens, for they are tough and quick to punch you out.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to core dump.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Vorlons, for they are angry and too quickly subtle.
Do not meddle in the affairs of hackers, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of moderators, for they are quick to anger and have not need for subtlety.
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are easy to annoy and have the root password.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are horny and will screw you next.
Do not meddle in the affairs of professors, for they are subtle and quick to flunk you.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cyborgs, for you are conductive and can support 110 volts.
Do not meddle in the affairs of the drug warriers, for they are morally certain and quick to use asset forfeiture.
Do not meddle in the affairs of witches: (picture of frog).

And this one:

Gandalf: O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.

There are more, of course, but the theme is the same, usually with only the subject changed from the original. I had a lot of fun looking these up. Hope they give a chuckle!

1 comment:

Jerry Anderson said...

I just booted a computer that has not been in 9 years. It also had the sticker from thinkgeek. "Do not meddle in the affairs of hackers, for they are subtle and quick to anger."

I do like all the quotes you have found. And the reason I was looking was for the original quote.

Now I know.
Thank You!