Socks

I've always wanted to make socks. I think the whole idea of hand-made socks is pretty spiffy. If you'll recall, however, my knitted afghan didn't do so well. I thought that maybe, before I get carried away with the sock thing, I should try knitting again first. I picked up my needles and yarn, found a pattern I liked for an afghan, and set to work. I was never able to finish the third row. I tried, too. I ripped out and cast on no less than twelve times. After about two weeks of this, it finally occured to me that I was getting absolutely nowhere, and I really should go back to crocheting. I used the yarn I bought for the knitted afghan to make the Diagonal-Striped one, a couple posts back.

In the meantime, my desire for socks was grumbling at me.

I found another book, this one called "Learn to Crochet Socks." (Leaflet #1308, from American School of Needlework, 12 designs by Kathy Wesley.) Now we're talkin'! I chose some soft Microspun in lilac, and over the next week, made a pair of socks! I was excited. Delirious, really. Warm and soft, they fit just right! Except...

Except that nobody told me that my feet would feel every little stitch where one strand of yarn crosses over another one to makes a thick, knot-like lump. The socks are warm and soft. I'm sure there must be an accupressurist out there somewhere who could help design some lovely, beneficial crocheted socks. Perhaps I could adapt the deisgn for babies, who don't need to walk on yarn knots.

All in all, however, the sock obsession is over.

Americana Afghan

This is Lion Brand's Americana Afghan. If you're sensing a pattern here (no pun intended) of Lion Brand, that's because they're free, and free means more yarn-buying. There was a scarf and hat to go with the afghan, but those were sold (for forty bucks!) at an auction benefiting Air Force families. The afghan would have been auctioned with its brother and sister, the scarf and hat, except that I ran into issues.

Forty-six five-pointed little issues.

Now, the stars weren't hard to do, and were actually kind of fun once I got going. I was able to crank out a star every fifteen minutes by the end. No, the problem was attaching them. You see, I can't sew. I don't mean I don't know how, or that I don't like to. It's just that Gramma's quilting gene skipped me. (It skipped Dad, too, but that's ok; he can use a hammer.) It took me over an hour to tack down the points of each star, which I thought would be easier than sewing around the whole entire thing. After eleven stars, I gave up. (The first eight went to the scarf.) I moved on to another project I was anxious to try.

Sometime after Christmas, I realized I had one almost-completed blanket, and a complex Aran that was suffering from mid-blanket-itis. There was only one thing to do. I needed a new project. However, I couldn't stand the thought of the Americana being ALMOST done. I thought about leaving the field blue, but discarded the idea as cheating. Then I sternly told myself I could not, under any circumstances, buy any more yarn or start a new project until I finished the flag. The tiny, evil little crochet demon that lives within me giggled and agreed. We went to the store, bought new yarn and a bottle of fabric glue.

Yes, folks, I glued those puppies down in 75 minutes. I thought I should feel ashamed of myself, because the recipient of this blanket, whomever he or she may be, will have stiff little glued-down stars instead of soft, durable sewn stars. But then, if I didn't glue the stars on, the blanket would never have been completed in the first place. Really, they should be grateful.

I sure hope that sounded convincing.

Diagonal Striped Throw

First, it should be stated that before I beagn crocheting, I tried knitting. My first project was a knit stitch-only diagonal afghan. I hated the way it turned out, because two of the diagonal corners were hideously disproportioned. It looked like Dumbo's ears got magically attached to two corners of my beautiful blanket. I assumed I miscounted or miscalculated somewhere. Who can keep track of all those little rows of stitches?

So, I picked up crocheting, where keeping track is much easier, and it's also much easier for me to count the stitches. Plus, so far everything has come out more or less straight. Until now.

Enter the Diagonal Striped Throw from Lion Brand Yarn. I loved the look of this: classy and thick. I picked out Homespun Gothic and Tudor, and started to work. Everything seemed fine until, to my horror, the day of completion wherein I found out- yep, you guessed it- wonky diagonal corners. Now, I will swear to you, I did everything exactly as I was supposed to. I made a gauge swatch, which came out on the nose. My tension was perfect, each row increased or decreased exactly the right number of stitches and everything was lovingly counted and precise.

So what the heck happened? I have no idea. Worse, I can't find out anyone this has happened to, yet it's happened to me TWICE, with two entirely different styles of yarnwork! (In case you're looking, it's the lower right and upper left corners of this picture. I admit to some sneaky repositioning to make it look normal for the shot.)

Still, it's warm and soft. I guess I'm keeping this one, because I'd feel horribly guilty giving it to some unsuspecting victim.

Do not meddle!

While writing a paper on Tolkien for a class, I came across several lists of "altered" quotes. The original quote is by Gildor, from The Fellowship of the Ring, written by J.R.R. Tolkien. Gildor told Frodo, "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." Because there were several lists of altered quotes and no single place seemed to have them all, I decided to post them here. I have no idea who actually came up with the parodies.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are insignificant and taste good with peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons: though you taste terrible, they're willing to bear it to be rid of the nuisance.
Do not meddle in the affairs of kitties, for they are subtle and will pee on you while you sleep.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
Do not meddle in the affairs of demons, for you are crunchy and taste good with hotsauce.
Do not meddle in the affairs of bards, for they are unsubtle, and your name scans to Greensleeves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of artists, for this is satire and you would look good in lingerie.
Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers (fanfiction writers), for you are cute and would look good with other men.
Do not meddle in the affairs of shield-maidens, for they are tough and quick to punch you out.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to core dump.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Vorlons, for they are angry and too quickly subtle.
Do not meddle in the affairs of hackers, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of moderators, for they are quick to anger and have not need for subtlety.
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are easy to annoy and have the root password.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are horny and will screw you next.
Do not meddle in the affairs of professors, for they are subtle and quick to flunk you.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cyborgs, for you are conductive and can support 110 volts.
Do not meddle in the affairs of the drug warriers, for they are morally certain and quick to use asset forfeiture.
Do not meddle in the affairs of witches: (picture of frog).

And this one:

Gandalf: O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.

There are more, of course, but the theme is the same, usually with only the subject changed from the original. I had a lot of fun looking these up. Hope they give a chuckle!

I'm wool.

You are Shetland Wool. You are a traditional sort who can
sometimes be a little on the harsh side. Though you look
delicate you are tough as nails and prone to intricacies.
Despite your acerbic ways you are widely respected and even revered.

What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by

"Think Mink"

This afghan also came from Leisure Art's "48 Hour Afghan" leaflet. It's not exactly mink, though. It's orange because that is the recipient's favorite color (not a color I'm crazy about). I used Lion's chenille, and it's incredibly soft and warm. I don't have square holes like the book's picture says, but I'm not sure if I did anything wrong. The gauge was correct, I used the right number of skeins, and it came out to be the right size, so oh well!

Waterfall

The pattern for this blanket came from Leisure Arts' "48-Hour Afghans." I used Lion's Homespun in 315 Tudor. I altered the pattern just a bit to make it bigger, increasing both sides by one pattern repetition and the middle by two.